For the past 10 years I have been deep in this thought of how our goals, strategic plans, dreams, desires, whatever you want to call them, should move you, inspire you, motivate you, excite you or even make you a little scared at the possibility of actually seeing them manifest in your life.
I have been a student of asking HOW do “I” get there, HOW do I get “others” there?
I’m not suggesting that we should be living life or running our businesses from a place of unrealistic goals, what I am suggesting is that we begin to do the work to identify what those goals are that actually matter and move us to our core and then truly OWN them, take responsibility for them.
So if we are talking about the ONE thing that is the most important in your life, why aren’t more of us actually walking in the fullness of that life?
Here are two dream killers that will stop you every time: 1. BLAME / JUDGMENTS AGAINST OTHERS:
--> Instead of doing the work to truly recognize what matters most to us, or what we want most in life, it becomes easier and some times more convenient to compare ourselves to others. We find ourselves envying what someone else has that we want but don’t have, and eventually that envy leads to finding something to judge that person for, which then takes the responsibility off of us for not having it in our own lives.
--> Or we stay in a place of blame; I don’t have the thing I want because of “you”. You did or didn’t do this and now I can’t have what I want. Sound familiar? I can’t tell you how many couples I coach that are stuck in this destructive pattern. There are so many things in life that, in hindsight, enlighten us. But looking back, there is one thing I wish I had done more than anything that would have truly changed the course of my life and that was, letting go of all the blame and unforgiveness I held on to with my Dad and consequently with other men in my life way earlier then I did. I let that blame and unforgiveness constantly frame what I could and couldn’t do and have and couldn’t have in my life. I couldn’t understand why I could never get to the place of truly understanding what I wanted most in life or why I couldn’t have it until God downloaded this work to me.
--> I am forever grateful for the journey this work has taken me on in learning how to lay down blame and judgments against other people and learn how to take ownership of my own life and discover and create what I want for my life.
2. SHAME / JUDGMENT AGAINST YOURSELF
--> After working with 100’s and 100’s of clients, shame is the other common factor in why we don’t know what we truly want or don’t have what matters most to us in life. The conversation of shame that we have going on in our head the moment we step toward and actually admit what we want, can be overwhelming.
-->Women are especially bad at this part. We are such need meet-ers and such helpers that we fill our lives and our plates with meeting the needs of others, our husbands and children and work, that we begin to neglect and eventually lose sight of our own dreams, desires and wants.
--> Men are also very susceptible to this. Did you know that the average age that a male lives after he retires is 3 years?!?! How can that be, you ask? The same event happens with them that happens to women. They get so consumed with building, acquiring, succeeding, which again is where they get their sense of value or can also be a place to hide, that they forget to take time to hear what their heart longs for. And then when our kids are all gone from the house or we eventually retire and have the time to ask the question, what truly matters most to me in life, it feels way too overwhelming to answer a question that you have never taken time to consider.
So please join me on a journey to connect with a deeper part of your soul that is longing to be heard, that is longing to be inspired, excited and free to create the life you have always dreamed of.
"Beloved, above all I wish that you would prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers."
Don’t wait another minute to discover you, to discover what truly matters most to you in life and why. The world is waiting for a fully actualized you. Here is a great place to start.
Look back at the last 5-10 years of your life and list the Top 10 things that you are most grateful for.
Watch and see how a common thread begins to be revealed within those 10 things that you listed in identifying what matters most to you. It’s a great start and a real eye-opener for sure.
I Bless you all with a renewed Hope, that you can actually have and love the life you live and begin to identify the steps to help you get there!! Nora A'Bell and the RevenueTribe Family